n Greek mythology, the members of the divine pantheon on Mount Olympus did not exist in elitist seclusion on their lofty peak. Instead, these potent deities frequently descended into the real world to intervene in the lives of the curiously weak beings who resided below. And now, like Zeus and Hera long before us, we at the College of Gods and Goddesses also seek to intermingle with lesser mortals. However, while our heavenly ancestors often lowered themselves to the level of fallible, feeble humans out of a sense of benevolence or charity, we are driven purely by what Sigmund Freud (that mama's boy) would have called our ego.

ou see, our supernatural powers certainly have their rewards -- our consistent dominance over the annual Beer Bike races being a readily obvious dividend -- but every silver lining has its cloud and we, for instance, are damned with a loss of clarity. Up here at the top, as we feast on ambrosia (or rather CK's unreasonable facsimile) and chug nectar, savoring also the sweet taste of past triumphs, we have become so accustomed to celebrating victory that we have forgotten what the original process of its attainment feels like. With our frame of reference limited exclusively to our own glorious history, we have no inferior example with which to compare ourselves presently and so must assess our superiority relative to the pitiful performance of other Beer Bike teams. Please don't misunderstand: we 're not more shallow than a kiddie pool, but rather simply striving to fathom the depth of our own greatness.

hus, it is with tremendous honor to you, the unfortunate 8/9ths of the Rice student body to whom the Fates assigned an empty destiny, that we extend the opportunity to participate in the Will Rice Invitational, to be held on Saturday, March 22, 2003, at the bike track behind the stadium. There, having given you the home-court advantage of terra firma, we shall adopt our ideal corporeal forms - complete with superbly muscled legs and hydraulic esophagi - and compete among you as one indomitable force manifested in many bodies, for there is no I in team (and there is no f in phonetic, even though it sounds like there should be). May Zeus smile upon us.